Wednesday, November 9

2 Kung ikaw ang masusunod?

Panu kung nasusunod lahat ng gusto mo?

anung gusto mo?

ako? madami.

madaming madami akong gusto.

Gusto ko ng pera. Madaming pera, pero hindi madaming madami. Yung madami para mabili ko ang mga luho at gusto. Hindi madaming madami para gustuhin ako dahil sa pera ko.

Gusto ko ng Kaibigan. Madaming kaibigan, pero di kasing dami ng facebook friends ko. Madami para laging may kasama sa happenings at kadamay sa probema. Pero hindi masyadong madami para hindi ko na alam kung sino ang totoo.

Gusto ko ng happy family. Happy Family pero hindi perfect family. Happy Family kasi ang magbibigay sayo ng kumpyansa sa sarili. Magbibigay ng mga importanteng lessons na wala sa classroom, at magiging backup mo pag wala ka ng number 2. Ayoko ng perfect family, kasi walang ganun. Fiction lang yon.

Gusto ko ng syota. Yung syota na hindi shota. Yung syota na nakakakilig. yung masarap titigan ng walang halong libog. yung syotang cheesy. Yung syotang ipapakilala mo sa number 3. yung syotang maituturi mong number 2. Ayoko ng ShoTa, kasi ibig sabihin daw nun, Short taym.

Gusto ko maging matalino. Yung matalino na hindi matalinong-matalino. Matalino para hindi ako tatawaging bobo. Hindi matalinong matalino para tatawagin ko silang bobo.

Gusto ko magsulat. Gusto ko mag status sa FB, mag blog ng walang humpay, magsulat sa dyaryo, magsulat at gumuhit ng komiks, magsulat sa pader, sa ding ding, sa mukha mo, sa junjun mo ng "jade was here". Gusto ko magsulat ng magsulat. kaso tinatamad ako.

Gusto ko lumipad. Lumipad sa himpapawid tulad ng mga ibon, malaya at mataas. Gusto ko lumipad, kaya mag b-book ako ng mag b-book. Gusto ko lumipad ng mabilis para di na ko ma-l-late. gusto ko lumipad ng mataas na mataas para hindi ko malanghap ang usok. Lumipad na mataas, para presko. Gusto ko lumipad, para malayo sayo.

Gusto ko maging invisible, pero minsan ayaw ko. Gusto ko maging invisible para di mo ko mapagdiskitahan. invisible para di mo makikitang tumaba ako. invisible para di mo ko utusan. invisible para astig. ayoko maging invisible. ayoko kasi di mo na ko mapapansin. ayoko kasi di mo makikitang sexy at yummy na ako. ayoko kasi hindi pa ko invisible pero ganito na, panu pa kaya.

Gusto ko kumanta. Yung kantang wholesome at nakaka elibs. Yung kantang tataas ang balahibo mo sa batok. yung kantang sisikat ako sa youtube, yung kantang kukunin din ako ni oprah. yung kantang mamamangha ka at magiging crush mo ko tapos maaalala mong "ay shit, lalaki nga pala sya". Yung kantang papaulit ulitin mo. Yung kantang kakantahin ko para kausapin mo ko.

Gusto kong pumatay, gusto kitang patayin dahil badtrip ka, gusto kong pumatay para eksena, gusto kong pumatay ala Lara Croft o kaya Kill Bill. PAK!

Gusto ko maging sexy, yung sexy para belong. yung sexy para stand out. Yung sexy para hindi tau number 10. yung sexy para hindi tayo chopsticks. Yung sexy para magtagal pa ko.

Gusto ko mag resign. Gusto mag resign na ayoko. Gustong magresign para taasan ang sweldo ko. gusto kong mag resign kasi tinatamad na ko. Gusto ko mag resign kasi badtrip ang may boss. Gusto ko mag resign kasi andaming panget sa office. Kaso lang ayoko din. ayoko kasi hindi pwede. ayoko kasi quitter yung ganun. ayoko mag resign kasi ayoko mag networking na lang. ayoko magresign kasi wala akong half a million. :)

Gusto ko pang mabuhay ng matagal. mabuhay ng matagal pero hindi over. gusto ko mabuhay ng matagal kasi madami pa kong bibilhin. Kasi madami pa kong syosyotain at titikman. Matagal kasi marami pa kong reresbakan. Hindi naman over kasi ayoko din tumanda. eww kasi yun.

Gusto kong magpatawad. Gusto kong magpatawad pero parang wag na lang. Gusto ko kasi, stressful din ang maraming kaaway. gusto ko kasi nakakapagod mag isip ng diabolical plan. Gusto ko kasi baka ako naman ang hindi patawarin ng Diyos sa mga chever ko. Pero Wag na lang kasi, nakaka badtrip ka pa din. Wag na lang kasi jejemon ka pa din. wag na lang kasi nakakatawa pa rin naman talaga ang english mo. Parang Joke palagi.

Gusto kong kumain.  Gusto kong kumain ng exotic. Ng matigas. ng malambot. yung yummy. Yung medyo madumi. ng mabango. ng mabaho. Yung sobrang laki na di ko maubos. Yung maliit na nakakabitin. Yung cute o kaya yung nakakatakot. Gusto kong kumain. Gusto kong kumain ng wholesome na pagkain. hindi yung nasa isip mo.

oh ikaw, kung ikaw ang masusunod. Ano naman ang gusto mo?

basta ako, gusto kong kumain kasi gutom na ko. Ilang araw na din akong naka diet. kumakain ng bitin na pagkain. ng matabang na pagkain.

hay... malamang gutom lang ang lahat ng to.

Monday, November 7

0 Anger Management BECKY-fied

You wake up to the chirps of the birds and the heat of morning sunshine. You smell the scent of freshly brewed coffee giving you the feeling that you'll have the best day ever. You travel to work in a breeze, smiled back at a cute stranger in the train. You got there right on time with a minute or two to freshen up. Your charming and bubbly office mates greet you, opened your mails and you are bombarded with greetings and sweet messages to motivate you the whole week. One of your friends treat you for lunch and when you went back, you receive a call from your boss telling you that you got a promotion.

Now that's what you call a good day.

The next day.

You wake up to a loud hammering from your next door neighbor dueting with some toddlers' screaming and fighting. You turn to your fone and you see that it's 2pm. Oh yeah, you forgot, you're on a night shift. You try to go back to sleep, turned the aircon to max and tries to cover your eyes from the daylight. After a few minutes you were again disturbed by the next door maid's loud chattering and the Lady neighbor shouting at the kids to shut up. And this went on and on and on.

You're an hour late for work because it took you forever to get a cab, and luckily you got the one that uses a NAWASA meter rather than an ordinary one. The guard welcomed you by poking your new bag (but not you) and asked you to give him a crash course of what a Hard drive is and why it's not illegal to bring it with you to the office.

You sat on your chair for a few seconds and your manager calls you to discuss not about a promotion but a NEW gossip lurking around fabricated by non other than your ugly office mates that finds nothing interesting in their own lives so they talk about yours. You end the day with unfinished and piling-up reports and a not so sweet indirect scolding from your boss. Sweet.

you go home, and the cycle continues.

Anger causes unnecessary stress and they say Stress can kill you (same as taking a picture in a middle of a trio). But if this is your regular day, can they blame you??!!! HUH!!??! sumagot ka!!!!! Tengene.

Anyway hi-way, i have been struggling with anger all my life and i'm sure all of us at one point did too. To some, it is very challenging to control or to transform it to something more productive (try charging your ipad using your anger).

Throw away the yoga, meditation, tapping the face or even the just-think-of-happy-thoughts mode even if you think you are Tinkerbell trapped in peter pan's body. They don't work. Swear. But don't despair my dear friends for I have come with unique, common and effective techniques to control anger whether into productive or something more destructive. who cares?

1) When someone/something pisses you off, say P*#$^&-ina much!
          It doesn't matter if they hear you or not, the point here is that you were able to release it right then and there. This way is healthier since anger that is kept inside will only cause you stress. Less anger, less stress.

There are a lot of ways of doing this aside from the classic takaw-away way. First, you can say P*#$^&-inang <insert name of inanimate object here> oh (Out loud)! Your enemies will get it but they won't confront you for they can't really assume it's them. Second, try recording it using your computer or mobile phone, then play it over and over again. This will give them the message and will annoy them at the same time.
2) Maghiganti, Teleserye style!

One of the best (if not the best) ways to release anger is to get even. I know this sounds all too evil but did you know that according to a survey conducted to 100 tsimosas and kanto girls, that making paghihiganti let's the person release anger and stress 50% faster than ordinary praying and waiting for karma? Admit it guys, keeping silent and letting time heal everything sounds all good, but doing your enemies some crazy sh*t not just relieves our stress but gives us satisfaction and happy memories to reminisce.

If you have access, try misplacing some of their important stuff specially if you know that a great need will arise (passport, important files or reports, keys). Remember, Misplace but don't steal, for you will be the first suspect whether you like it or not.
3) Dig some dirt and spread it like STD beybe!!

Remember the saying, keep your friends close, keep you enemies so much closer?? What they're really trying to say is to KEEP YOUR EARS CLOSER. Try to dig some dirt about the person you dislike, and slowly but innocently, reveal it to the Madlang people one by one. It would benefit you more if you have access and connections to the tsismosas in town. They are more efficient than any marketing or media people you can find. TIP: try to dig dirt while you are still friends or better yet, try to dig dirt on all of your friends. This will come in handy when the need arises.
4) Steal their friends

Nothing will make them more paranoid that seeing you talking to their friends or clique. TIP: always try to be extra friendly to her peers, this will allow you to easily start a random conversation with them, and when you see her coming, try to act as if your talking about something confidential. This will keep them from sleeping at night knowing that their friend's loyalty are now questionable.Who knows, maybe her friends are only waiting for the right motivation to switch sides. No harm in trying.
5) Keep a Memento

A memento is a keepsake object that will always remind you of something (particularly your moment of vengeance). I remember keeping a picture of me giving a dirty finger on an enemy behind her back. Up to this day, this picture serves as a meditational device whenever i feel like punching someone or her. :) AND IT WORKS

6) Pass the anger.... on something or someone else.

Like an angry bird you can always project and shoot your anger on anybody. It's better to pass it to an unsuspecting victim. Let's say try to accidentally hit a fellow passenger and don't say sorry, harass an innocent taxi driver about the credibility of his meter or accuse a poor-English-speaking foreigner of overstaying. The options are endless.
7) Destroy a random object

Whenever your pissed, try passing your stress to the closest object nearby. For example, you can angrily click the mouse until it breaks or break pencils or pens into 2. This will not just help release your stress but, believe me, you will be feared!

This are only a few of my own personal Anger management strategies. I do not guarantee that all of this will work for you the same way for me but you can always try.

We all live in a world full of pigs, so you better be an angry bird to survive. :)