Sunday, January 8

1 Seaman-loloko

We were taught that everyone deserves second chances, for we too, might need a second chance in the future. But In a relationship where trust plays an important role, are second chances even part of the discussion?

A few months ago, one of my close girl friend was sharing a story about her BF cheating on her. We asked one of our guy friends about his opinion, when he told us, "syempre lalaki yon, common na yon". (he's a guy, it's a commong thing).

Seriously? If something is considered common, does that make it CORRECT and ACCEPTED?

There are many myths and misconception when it comes to infidelity. Sometimes, to pull off a perfect crime, all it takes is the right intention and proper timing. But how do we know when someone is already cheating? how do you differ being too friendly from having malicious intentions. Do you forgive, or do you end the relationship? Is it his fault of your fault?

When is it considered cheating? If you think you need to have sex with someone else before you can call it cheating, you are wrong. Cheating usually starts when a partner starts to hide or lie about simple things. Whether it's a location of a party he's attending or the persons that are coming with him the fact that he/she starts to lie, the intention to cheat begins.

You who does this should ask yourself, why do you need to hide or lie in the first place? If you are in good faith, there is no need to bend reality, right?
Men are the cheaters. This is a common thought since most men are bold when it comes to polygamy. Women cheats as much as men do, it's just that women tends to be more discreet about it. Our norms and the society plays a big part on this. In most cases, the reason why men cheat is more on a pleasure factor. Physical needs that are unfulfilled or if there is something with their partners that they find unappealing. Let's say, being a nagger, too controlling or simply not being able to take care of herself.

The reason why women cheat however is more on an emotional level. Sometimes they feel unappreciated so they try and look for attention somewhere else.

If he cheats, he doesn't love you. Yes it may feel that way but it's not necessarily true. There are people who are able to separate their emotions from physical pleasure (Men in most cases). Yes they do love you, but they don't respect you well enough too value the commitment or trust. You don't have to hate them, but you need to ask yourself whether his definition of love meets your requirements.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Again, this is not an absolute case. Cheating may only be a phase in a person's life in which there are 2 possible outcomes. He may have matured and learned from it or he may have adopted it up to his adult life. The choice is yours. (please see quote at the beginning).

When all else fail, confess. Not always true. there are times that a certain act of cheating serves as a test of self-being. You feel lost, confused with your current relationship so you stray for a bit, find yourself and return as a better partner or person. These things are better kept as a secret for it may bring unnecessary drama.

However, if the affair is known or strongly suspected, COME CLEAN. You have a better chance of rescuing your relationship as compared to being caught red-handed and denying it. Plus, it will allow you both to start with a clean slate.

As long as there's no sex, there's no affair. There is what we call, emotional cheating.This is deep emotional connection between 2 people who sometimes are not even aware that they already crossed the line between plain friendship and romance. Infidelity in majority of cases starts with people who are "just friends".

Why? this kind of relationship is Intense but invisible, addictive but easy to get away with. If you are start to send secret text messages, personal email, random phone calls, you get jealous with people linked to them and you lie to your partner about seeing them. Then you are an emotional cheater.

It's his fault.  Both partners have their fair share in the infidelity. He may did the deed but you allowed it. Maybe you knew the possibility, you saw the early signs but you did nothing to prevent it. Sin of omission is the same as sin of commission.Yes you only need one to Dougie but you need 2 to tango.

you may not believe all that i said, but you have to agree that i do have a point.

"Mas madaling mahuli ang manok pag nakatali na" :)

1 comment:

  1. Good points. Cheating is very unfair, maybe that's why it is called cheating. You find yourself in a relationship where you give it your best and then you find your partner doing strange stuff behind your back. It not only ruins the trust, it breaks down your self-esteem too.

    Let me just add: Revenge is not the solution. Once you catch the other person cheating, cheating on him/her too is not gonna make you feel "fair".


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