1 Blog Euthanasia

If you got here by mistake... EXIT NOW!

I will be abandoning this blog, like a slut aborting a lovechild. This is an overdue mistake.

Goodbye.

Auf Wiedersehen

Jade

0 The cure for EDSA traffic - what MMDA should do

It was built under the name North-South circumferential road then was changed to Avenida 19 de Junio after the Philippine Independence. Renamed again as Highway 54 and to what we know today as EDSA.

Surely the History of EDSA is one of the richest, but another thing that comes to our minds when we hear of it, is its equally famous and perpetual TRAFFIC!!!!!

Yes my friends, no matter how good you start your day, the heavy EDSA Traffic will never fail to ruin it. It's so hopeless that sometimes while stuck in traffic, looking outside the car window tears will suddenly fall from your left eye (left eye only) and you will realize all hope is lost in this god-forsaken road.

Before, there is only the morning rush hour traffic and the evening rush hour traffic. Now, we have merienda rush hour traffic, Lunch traffic, and twilight traffic. We have bad traffic 24 hours a day (I'm exaggerating, it's just 21 hours).

Being a daily commuter and spending more than enough time observing and reflecting, i have thought of possible solutions to help improve the traffic situation and prevent the daily chance of an MRT stampede.

Buses eating up all the precious EDSA space

Widen the roads - I don't care if you kill a few jollibees and mcdonald's here and there, just don't touch the malls please haha. Unlike other richer countries, majority of the Manila population depends on public transport instead of having their own cars. It is a fact though, that the roads we have here are not enough. 6 lanes per each direction is too small for the number of cars, buses, FX, jeeps, motorcycles and Kuligligs.

Cars becoming useless during heavy flooding

2 Kinds of Casual Partners

Please don't judge me. I'm not a book, and you're not a judge. haha

You might think i'm a nymphomaniac, but I assure you I am the most decent, virginal creature you'll ever meet. Char.

Well since i'm in the right age and assuming you are too, i guess it's totally fine to share some of the data I gathered throughout the years of my sexual experiments. (yes i did it for science and educational purposes only).

As you embark on your own adventure, you will be meeting some of these characters. Sila ang magbibigay kulay at trauma sa iyong mga sexual ganap. Kaya I think it's better to be well-oriented and prepared.

Remember, sex is not all rainbows and butterflies. Sometimes it's like an early morning rush-hour pila sa MRT. Haggard at stressful.

2 When Boy meets Girl. A guide.

Isn't it bonggelz to think of all the amazing things the human race has achieved over its existence? I think so too.

We have reached the moon and mars and invented wireless communication. We even came up with a device smarter than us. Yes the smartphone!

ronymyname.blogspot.com

But no matter how much we try to look into things beyond our reach, the fact remains that there are territories as vague as alien life. I'm talking about relationships. In my 17 years existence (Oo, 17 lang the other 6 years are wasted emo-ing and flirting haha) i heard tons of shiznits from both friends and strangers about lovelives, sexlives and everything in between, that i actually thought of writing a book, a very thick book that i intend to hit their heads with. Mine included.

http://tristanfamily.blogspot.com

Being the observer and seeing things from a clearer perspective, i can say that most relationship issues are just effects of miscommunication or the lack of it. 

Thesseeeeeeeeee you need to know!

1 Sino ang tunay na baliw?

While having coffee one evening, my Nurse\Ninja friend Toshing shared some of her duty stories, particularly the one where she was assigned in the AFP Psychiatric ward.

I was particularly curious and excited about this topic since mental insanity has remained as one of my greatest fascinations (just like glow-in-dark-tattoos, and abnormally long French fries).

According to her, the patient that was assigned to her is a soldier "who lost it" in the middle of a battle. From what she heard, the man, started preaching about God and other bible things right in the middle of a cross-fire until he ended up in the mental facility.

She also said that from the interviews that they did with the patient, she can tell that the man is one smart son-of-a-… turns out to be a very intelligent individual. Not the usual crappy-crazy type we see on the streets or in our offices. She even recalled one time when the man also won countless times when they played Pinoy Henyo in one of their programs.

This got me curious.

1 That Awesome feeling

You know that awesome magical feeling filled with rainbows, butterflies and unicorns??

Nope, i’m not talking about orgasm or anything that involves your other perverted thoughts.

I’m talking about these:

1. That awesome feeling of peeing after minutes of holding it in. ooh kilig.

2. That awesome feeling when after eating your favorite snack, there’s another one left.

3. That awesome feeling when you go home starving for hours and your mom cooked your favorite.

4. That awesome feeling when you can't help but fart but it's silent and odorless. Not even the holy spirit noticed.

5 Pinoy Pride

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand I'm back.

Sorry if it took me decades to write anything.

All my friends (all 3 of them, including a dog) have been asking for me to start writing again, and i swear, I tried really hard, but i'm afraid i lost my blogging mojo. If there is such thing.

During my months of hiatus, I've been busy with tons of things. One of which is to look for a cure for my writer's block. And according to the almighty, all-knowing, over-accurate Wikipedia, 1 good way to get your butt back to writing is to, just write anything.

No complicated topics, no over-thinking. Just write whatever's in your head. So here I am giving it a shot.

<got my balls crossed! cross yours too please>

5 The modern Relihiyoso

The Philippines is the biggest catholic country in Asia, all thanks to the Spaniards who introduced Christianity and Slavery at the same time.

Ironic right? I can just imagine a scene where A Spanish matriarch is beating the crap out of a pinoy muchacha while reciting the Hail Mary. Indeed it's already fun in the Philippines 100 something years ago.

As time progresses and technology advances, truly, our religious views and traditions also changed. For the better? hmmm that i can't tell.

But here are some of the obvious characteristics that you probably have witnessed in the past up to the present. It's up to you to decide and give judgment.

1) The modern Relihiyoso attends Mass at the mall.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/treetop_apple_juice/29932614/

I wonder which one came to their minds first, the shopping or the churching.

2) Wears racy outfits when attending the mass.

Spaghetti strap, micro skirt, sandos, backless, plunging neckline, tube top, see-through blouse, P*k2x shorts. Name it and they'll wear it

3 Want some hot SOPA?

For sure, you haven't heard of SOPA and PIPA before, until you saw this.






Or this

1 Seaman-loloko

We were taught that everyone deserves second chances, for we too, might need a second chance in the future. But In a relationship where trust plays an important role, are second chances even part of the discussion?

A few months ago, one of my close girl friend was sharing a story about her BF cheating on her. We asked one of our guy friends about his opinion, when he told us, "syempre lalaki yon, common na yon". (he's a guy, it's a commong thing).

Seriously? If something is considered common, does that make it CORRECT and ACCEPTED?

3 Dear sir Jordan

Hi Sir,

Did you know that my favorite subject is English.

Seriously.

Maybe because i was never good at math, chemistry or not even in home economics. One day i told myself, if ever someone would ask me what my favorite subject is, I would say English.

I always thought that English is the easiest subject to get away with. It's not an exact science. You don't need to be perfect, just as long as you don't sound awkward or jejemonic. You're good to go.

However, this was not the case a few years back. 

English is not my favorite subject. In fact, I don't have a favorite subject.

I don't spell well. I don't speak well and I have stage fright, believe it or not. I can't even put my thoughts into writing without giving it a whole different meaning. Whenever our teacher asks us to summarize a story, i simply copy the first paragraph, get a few sentence in the middle and attach the ending and VOILA.

Then there's High school. harder subjects, harder classmates, harder teachers. Peer pressure is the only pressure i know, and boys are the only subjects i'm interested with. 

The simple math and science is now trigonometry, geometry, biology and chemistry (we even have a TYPING subject).

English, my precious English became deeper and more demanding too. School suddenly became difficult.

I was in 3rd year when you became my English teacher. I heard a lot of stories about you. Not so good stories. Like how you raise your voice in class. and how you punish your misbehaving, undisciplined studes. In short, from what i heard, you are a terror teacher. And somehow, I agree.

Remember the time, you spent the whole hour in our class scolding us? Me specifically, because you heard me when i said SH*T at the back when you announced a pop quiz. You were so pissed, and i was scared.. I didn't mean it sir, and yet you embarrassed me in front of the class. In front of my super crush. At that moment I hated you and I lost my interest for a while.

In fact, i lost my mojo for English. 

One day, you saw me crying just when our class is about to start. One of my dick classmates hit me with his shoe (he later claimed it was accidental, choz). You asked me what happened and who did it, but i kept mum since i still had that "tampo" from our recent ordeal. When you found out who the culprit is, you immediately stepped out of the class and gave him a good beating, i mean scolding. At that very moment, i felt your sincerity and concern. You, showed him, that's for sure. And i told myself, "well sir, bawi ka na sa kin. Quits na tayo".

I quickly regained my interest in your subject after that. Also because there was never a dull moment in our 1-hour daily class.

Confidence is the key. That's what you said, when i reported on Nanotechnology. So now, I am over confident. Thanks to you :)

I became a bookworm (more of a python actually) because of you. I remember when you "forcefully" require us to pass a weekly home reading report. It was dreadful but i must admit it was fun. I finally learned how to summarize, thank God, and i understood what a deadline actually means when you refused to accept my half-an-hour late report.

I remember a poem we discussed in class. "Life is what you make it". It's one of my favorites simply because it's one of the very few poems that actually made sense up until now.

To say that you're a good teacher is an understatement. You are awesome. You are my favorite teacher.



Sadly.

I realized the only thing i didn't learn from your class is the proper way of ending essays/write-ups because honestly, i can't think of an un-kabogable way end this.

Just like you, I guess we don't really have to focus so much on coming up with an over-the-top, uber-dramatic ending when we already lived a great life, a great story. Like in every good book we finish, we know that every end is only another awesome beginning.



Thank you so much Sir Jo. See you when i see you. :)

PS. if it wasn't for you, i bet this blog will be written in pure jejemon. :)

1 Paskong Paksiw 2012

Wooohooo! Finally tapos na ang mga holiday. Tapos na ang pasko at bagong taon. FYI tapos na din ang Death anniversary ni Rizal.

Of course, position like a horse, nakalimutan mo na ang Death anniversary ni J-zal.

Well. Hindi naman kita masisisi kung nakalimutan mo ang november 30 holiday. Syempre, Pasko = masaya, Rizal Death anniv. = malungkot, New year = Masaya ulet. oh di ba, magkaka cancer ka pag pnilit mong sariwain ang kamatayan at kabayanihan ni rizal samantalang abalang abala ka sa pagbabalot ng regalo o kaya naman sa pagbibilang ng polkadots na isusuot mo sa nyuyir. letche ka.

Anyways, marami nanaman akong mga naipon na obserbasyon na kailangan kong mailabas bago bumaho.

Sasang-ayon ka ba sa kin kung dapat ituring tradition ang pagpapa audition sa mga inaanak o magiging inaanak? O kaya naman eh i-delay muna ang binyag hangga't hindi ka sure sa magiging itsura ng inaanak mo? O kaya naman ay bigyan ng mga up to 2 year warranty ang kandila na ginamit sa binyag. Para kapag shonget ang bagets eh pwede mong isoli ang kandila sa iyong kumare/kumpare at mag move on na parang walang nangyari? Ang saya sana kung ganun. Aminin natin, hindi fun mamili ng regalo kapag ganito ang itsura ng inaanak mo.

http://adventuresofjt.blogspot.com/2011/02/im-millionaire-and-waistd.html

Correct me but I'm right, mas tumitindi ang pressure na nararamdaman mo na magka Lovelife twing magpapasko? Yung tipong mag checheck ka sa phonebook, at FB friends mo kung sino ang mga potential candidate para maging jowa mo. Yung pati yung ex mo nung Kindergarten 2 ay gusto mong balikan kahit isa na syang rugby boy ngayon wag ka lang manlamig sa pasko. Don't worry, lumipas naman na ang holiday, OOOPS Valentine's naman.

I'M NOT FEELING ANY PREY-SYUR RIGHT NOW....

Magandang magsimba para magpasalamat ngayong christmas season, yan ay kung busilak sa puso ang intensyon ng pagsisimba mo. Pero kung kulang na lang ay idikit mo ang mga oscha sa isang card. Aba aba aba ineng. Wala kang makukuhang planner galing kay father, bibingka pa siguro. At lalong lalo nang walang promo si Lord twing pasko na kapag nakumpleto eh may free wish ka noh.

http://christopherfountain.wordpress.com/2009/09/07/celebrities-at-starbucks/

Mahal na araw ba at talagang pinanindigan ni Mother Lily ang panata nya na taunang pag gawa ng shake, rattle ang roll? Yung totoo? hanggang ilang shake, shake me baby ohhlala ba talaga? 30? 37? 64? o 1,093? Buti na lang at pwersado tayo na manood ng pinoy films sa ganitong mga panahon. Pero, ako lang ba ang may problema o paulit ulit lang din talaga ang panday? Oo, feeling ko ako lang ang may problema. Imposibleng ulitin nila yun. Hindi talaga.

Yan ang hirap pag nagiging Hit ang pelikula nagiging immortal. Habambuhay gagawan ng sequel. Umayan ang labanan. At dahil nag hit ang Manila Kingpin, panigurado may sequel na din, pero this time hindi si Asiong Salonga kundi si Lea Salonga naman daw ang gaganap. Oh at least broadway quality.

Kung wala naman maisip na bagong story eh pagsasamahin na lang daw ang mga movie tulad ng Enteng ng Ina mo.

So anung sunod? eto??

Nang pinanday ni Enteng ang Ina ni Asiong kapalit ang Segunda Manong Shake.

naglolokohan tayo teh?

2 Funky Realities of Life

Love is like a Rosary, it's full of mysteries, and sometimes becomes an accesory.

Same with Life, it is full of things unbeknownst to the human intellect. Kahit si kuya Kim, for sure mag pa-pass.

Here are some realizations about things I experienced/experiencing na i'm sure you also experienced/experiencing. past tense, present tense, nakakatense.

1) Whenever you ride the train, whether MRT or LRT on a rush hour, aamuyin mo ang kili-kili mo just to check kung ikaw ba ang amoy putok. Soon, you will realize, it's not you, but it's everyone else O_o

2) May appointment ka ng 4pm, pero 4pm ka pa lang aalis ng bahay. Pagdating mo, early bird ka pa din.

3) Natatakam ka sa huling piraso ng chicken, pizza o kung anuman. Pero hinding hindi mo ito gagalawin. Ito din ang iniisip nilang lahat.

http://www.japannewbie.com/2008/05/08/a-lump-of-reserve/

4) At one point in your life, dumepende ka sa mga hula ni Zenaida Seva. 

5) Meron kang super crush nung elementary o hi-skul na feeling mo noon mahal mo na sya. Ngayon ang pangit pangit nya na. Kadiri

6) Ay nagtanggal ng tinga gamit ang dila tapos kinain mo ulit. 

7) ay nahirapan sa spelling ng Scissors nung bata pa.

8) Ay minsan ring nag akalang ang pag memorize ng multiplication table ang pinaka mahirap na bagay sa mundo.

9) Ay naniwala noong bata na si Lilia Cuntapay ay isang real-life na aswang. 

10) Ay naniniwalang si Charice ay hinulma sa bilao ng pancit malabon.

11) Ay nagkaron ng New Year's Resolution na hindi man lang umabot ng chinese new year.

12) May ex boyfriend ka na deep inside ay gusto mong balikan, kaso isa na pala syang Girlfriend.

13) Napapa english ka kapag umoorder sa starbucks.

14) Napapa english ka din kapag nasa greenbelt, serendra o kung san mang sosyal na place ka.

15) Nakita mo ang close friend mo na may nag-hehello na kulangot habang kausap mo sya pero sinikreto mo ito at balak mong dalhin hanggang kamatayan.

16) ay nagbibigay ng limos sa pulubi depende sa kanilang acting at posing skills.

17) Napapahigpit ang kapit sa bag kapag may sumasakay na panget at mukang kriminal sa jeep.

18) Kung babae ka, naniniwala ka sa kasabihang ito, "may mga lalaking parang betlog, mga mukang mabaho pero masarap pala".

19) Kung lalaki ka, naniniwala ka naman sa kasabihang ito, "may mga babae ding parang betlog, ang sarap kamutin". haha

20) Madalas magbigay ng offering o abuloy na bente, kapag walang barya at 50 o 100 ang naibigay, may panghihinayang kang nadarama. Pero slight lang.

21) Ay naawa kay KC Concepcion, at naniniwalang bading si Piolo Pascual, at isa syang bottom. Charaught.

http://yurbanite.blogspot.com/2011/01/oh-cmon-mamon.html

Hay Life...

1 Kung ikaw ang masusunod?

Panu kung nasusunod lahat ng gusto mo?

anung gusto mo?

ako? madami.

madaming madami akong gusto.

Gusto ko ng pera. Madaming pera, pero hindi madaming madami. Yung madami para mabili ko ang mga luho at gusto. Hindi madaming madami para gustuhin ako dahil sa pera ko.

Gusto ko ng Kaibigan. Madaming kaibigan, pero di kasing dami ng facebook friends ko. Madami para laging may kasama sa happenings at kadamay sa probema. Pero hindi masyadong madami para hindi ko na alam kung sino ang totoo.

Gusto ko ng happy family. Happy Family pero hindi perfect family. Happy Family kasi ang magbibigay sayo ng kumpyansa sa sarili. Magbibigay ng mga importanteng lessons na wala sa classroom, at magiging backup mo pag wala ka ng number 2. Ayoko ng perfect family, kasi walang ganun. Fiction lang yon.

Gusto ko ng syota. Yung syota na hindi shota. Yung syota na nakakakilig. yung masarap titigan ng walang halong libog. yung syotang cheesy. Yung syotang ipapakilala mo sa number 3. yung syotang maituturi mong number 2. Ayoko ng ShoTa, kasi ibig sabihin daw nun, Short taym.

Gusto ko maging matalino. Yung matalino na hindi matalinong-matalino. Matalino para hindi ako tatawaging bobo. Hindi matalinong matalino para tatawagin ko silang bobo.

Gusto ko magsulat. Gusto ko mag status sa FB, mag blog ng walang humpay, magsulat sa dyaryo, magsulat at gumuhit ng komiks, magsulat sa pader, sa ding ding, sa mukha mo, sa junjun mo ng "jade was here". Gusto ko magsulat ng magsulat. kaso tinatamad ako.

Gusto ko lumipad. Lumipad sa himpapawid tulad ng mga ibon, malaya at mataas. Gusto ko lumipad, kaya mag b-book ako ng mag b-book. Gusto ko lumipad ng mabilis para di na ko ma-l-late. gusto ko lumipad ng mataas na mataas para hindi ko malanghap ang usok. Lumipad na mataas, para presko. Gusto ko lumipad, para malayo sayo.

Gusto ko maging invisible, pero minsan ayaw ko. Gusto ko maging invisible para di mo ko mapagdiskitahan. invisible para di mo makikitang tumaba ako. invisible para di mo ko utusan. invisible para astig. ayoko maging invisible. ayoko kasi di mo na ko mapapansin. ayoko kasi di mo makikitang sexy at yummy na ako. ayoko kasi hindi pa ko invisible pero ganito na, panu pa kaya.

Gusto ko kumanta. Yung kantang wholesome at nakaka elibs. Yung kantang tataas ang balahibo mo sa batok. yung kantang sisikat ako sa youtube, yung kantang kukunin din ako ni oprah. yung kantang mamamangha ka at magiging crush mo ko tapos maaalala mong "ay shit, lalaki nga pala sya". Yung kantang papaulit ulitin mo. Yung kantang kakantahin ko para kausapin mo ko.

Gusto kong pumatay, gusto kitang patayin dahil badtrip ka, gusto kong pumatay para eksena, gusto kong pumatay ala Lara Croft o kaya Kill Bill. PAK!

Gusto ko maging sexy, yung sexy para belong. yung sexy para stand out. Yung sexy para hindi tau number 10. yung sexy para hindi tayo chopsticks. Yung sexy para magtagal pa ko.

Gusto ko mag resign. Gusto mag resign na ayoko. Gustong magresign para taasan ang sweldo ko. gusto kong mag resign kasi tinatamad na ko. Gusto ko mag resign kasi badtrip ang may boss. Gusto ko mag resign kasi andaming panget sa office. Kaso lang ayoko din. ayoko kasi hindi pwede. ayoko kasi quitter yung ganun. ayoko mag resign kasi ayoko mag networking na lang. ayoko magresign kasi wala akong half a million. :)

Gusto ko pang mabuhay ng matagal. mabuhay ng matagal pero hindi over. gusto ko mabuhay ng matagal kasi madami pa kong bibilhin. Kasi madami pa kong syosyotain at titikman. Matagal kasi marami pa kong reresbakan. Hindi naman over kasi ayoko din tumanda. eww kasi yun.

Gusto kong magpatawad. Gusto kong magpatawad pero parang wag na lang. Gusto ko kasi, stressful din ang maraming kaaway. gusto ko kasi nakakapagod mag isip ng diabolical plan. Gusto ko kasi baka ako naman ang hindi patawarin ng Diyos sa mga chever ko. Pero Wag na lang kasi, nakaka badtrip ka pa din. Wag na lang kasi jejemon ka pa din. wag na lang kasi nakakatawa pa rin naman talaga ang english mo. Parang Joke palagi.

Gusto kong kumain.  Gusto kong kumain ng exotic. Ng matigas. ng malambot. yung yummy. Yung medyo madumi. ng mabango. ng mabaho. Yung sobrang laki na di ko maubos. Yung maliit na nakakabitin. Yung cute o kaya yung nakakatakot. Gusto kong kumain. Gusto kong kumain ng wholesome na pagkain. hindi yung nasa isip mo.

oh ikaw, kung ikaw ang masusunod. Ano naman ang gusto mo?

basta ako, gusto kong kumain kasi gutom na ko. Ilang araw na din akong naka diet. kumakain ng bitin na pagkain. ng matabang na pagkain.

hay... malamang gutom lang ang lahat ng to.

0 Anger Management BECKY-fied

You wake up to the chirps of the birds and the heat of morning sunshine. You smell the scent of freshly brewed coffee giving you the feeling that you'll have the best day ever. You travel to work in a breeze, smiled back at a cute stranger in the train. You got there right on time with a minute or two to freshen up. Your charming and bubbly office mates greet you, opened your mails and you are bombarded with greetings and sweet messages to motivate you the whole week. One of your friends treat you for lunch and when you went back, you receive a call from your boss telling you that you got a promotion.

Now that's what you call a good day.

The next day.

You wake up to a loud hammering from your next door neighbor dueting with some toddlers' screaming and fighting. You turn to your fone and you see that it's 2pm. Oh yeah, you forgot, you're on a night shift. You try to go back to sleep, turned the aircon to max and tries to cover your eyes from the daylight. After a few minutes you were again disturbed by the next door maid's loud chattering and the Lady neighbor shouting at the kids to shut up. And this went on and on and on.

You're an hour late for work because it took you forever to get a cab, and luckily you got the one that uses a NAWASA meter rather than an ordinary one. The guard welcomed you by poking your new bag (but not you) and asked you to give him a crash course of what a Hard drive is and why it's not illegal to bring it with you to the office.

You sat on your chair for a few seconds and your manager calls you to discuss not about a promotion but a NEW gossip lurking around fabricated by non other than your ugly office mates that finds nothing interesting in their own lives so they talk about yours. You end the day with unfinished and piling-up reports and a not so sweet indirect scolding from your boss. Sweet.

you go home, and the cycle continues.

i-logy.com

Anger causes unnecessary stress and they say Stress can kill you (same as taking a picture in a middle of a trio). But if this is your regular day, can they blame you??!!! HUH!!??! sumagot ka!!!!! Tengene.

Anyway hi-way, i have been struggling with anger all my life and i'm sure all of us at one point did too. To some, it is very challenging to control or to transform it to something more productive (try charging your ipad using your anger).

Throw away the yoga, meditation, tapping the face or even the just-think-of-happy-thoughts mode even if you think you are Tinkerbell trapped in peter pan's body. They don't work. Swear. But don't despair my dear friends for I have come with unique, common and effective techniques to control anger whether into productive or something more destructive. who cares?

1) When someone/something pisses you off, say P*#$^&-ina much!
             
          It doesn't matter if they hear you or not, the point here is that you were able to release it right then and there. This way is healthier since anger that is kept inside will only cause you stress. Less anger, less stress.

http://www.momlogic.com

There are a lot of ways of doing this aside from the classic takaw-away way. First, you can say P*#$^&-inang <insert name of inanimate object here> oh (Out loud)! Your enemies will get it but they won't confront you for they can't really assume it's them. Second, try recording it using your computer or mobile phone, then play it over and over again. This will give them the message and will annoy them at the same time.

http://kristinetoribio.wordpress.com

2) Maghiganti, Teleserye style!


One of the best (if not the best) ways to release anger is to get even. I know this sounds all too evil but did you know that according to a survey conducted to 100 tsimosas and kanto girls, that making paghihiganti let's the person release anger and stress 50% faster than ordinary praying and waiting for karma? Admit it guys, keeping silent and letting time heal everything sounds all good, but doing your enemies some crazy sh*t not just relieves our stress but gives us satisfaction and happy memories to reminisce.

E.G.
If you have access, try misplacing some of their important stuff specially if you know that a great need will arise (passport, important files or reports, keys). Remember, Misplace but don't steal, for you will be the first suspect whether you like it or not.

http://bahaireflections.com

3) Dig some dirt and spread it like STD beybe!!

Remember the saying, keep your friends close, keep you enemies so much closer?? What they're really trying to say is to KEEP YOUR EARS CLOSER. Try to dig some dirt about the person you dislike, and slowly but innocently, reveal it to the Madlang people one by one. It would benefit you more if you have access and connections to the tsismosas in town. They are more efficient than any marketing or media people you can find. TIP: try to dig dirt while you are still friends or better yet, try to dig dirt on all of your friends. This will come in handy when the need arises.

http://www.flickr.com

4) Steal their friends

Nothing will make them more paranoid that seeing you talking to their friends or clique. TIP: always try to be extra friendly to her peers, this will allow you to easily start a random conversation with them, and when you see her coming, try to act as if your talking about something confidential. This will keep them from sleeping at night knowing that their friend's loyalty are now questionable.Who knows, maybe her friends are only waiting for the right motivation to switch sides. No harm in trying.

http://soiebeans.blogspot.com

5) Keep a Memento

A memento is a keepsake object that will always remind you of something (particularly your moment of vengeance). I remember keeping a picture of me giving a dirty finger on an enemy behind her back. Up to this day, this picture serves as a meditational device whenever i feel like punching someone or her. :) AND IT WORKS

6) Pass the anger.... on something or someone else.

Like an angry bird you can always project and shoot your anger on anybody. It's better to pass it to an unsuspecting victim. Let's say try to accidentally hit a fellow passenger and don't say sorry, harass an innocent taxi driver about the credibility of his meter or accuse a poor-English-speaking foreigner of overstaying. The options are endless.

http://healthylifecarenews.com

7) Destroy a random object

Whenever your pissed, try passing your stress to the closest object nearby. For example, you can angrily click the mouse until it breaks or break pencils or pens into 2. This will not just help release your stress but, believe me, you will be feared!

This are only a few of my own personal Anger management strategies. I do not guarantee that all of this will work for you the same way for me but you can always try.

We all live in a world full of pigs, so you better be an angry bird to survive. :)

http://www.theimpulsivebuy.com

2 BAKLANG DARNA and OTHER USELESS THINGS

Just to be clear.

Girls, by USELESS, I am not referring to your ex boyfriends (or current ones)

Boys, I am also not referring to your ex girlfriends........................................    or boyfriends (",)

nor we are going to discuss about the traffic enforcer who does nothing but to collect super dark boogers after hours of "chillin" in the middle of the road. No.

I am thinkin' more of INANIMATE (life-less) things. like this:

http://talakayanatkalusugan.com

LOL. Just kidding. I love the government as much as i love rainbows and butterflies. I love it so much it hurts.

Well, to continue, i decided to compile a list of everyday things that we use or encounter that "in substance" are actually useless, redundant or simply, things that we can live without.

First in my list:

Elevator Close buttons

http://architectures.danlockton.co.uk

We are naturally controlling. We like to see things move or do its trick as we push a specific button. Its human nature. Elevator buttons actually don't work. If you will observe, the time for an elevator to close on its own compared to you pushing that button is the same. So whenever you're running late, the only benefit of overpressing this button is to release your stress or to give you that ultimate satisfaction of closing the elevator doors in the office bitch's face.

Also, since the American disabilities act, all elevator close buttons have been disabled. So unless you're in Japan (where these buttons actually work) there's really no point in pressing it.


signature campaigns

http://pinoyweekly.org

I can't remember the last time i signed up for one of these. If i did, i bet it's because of peer pressure, additional credits in school or if there's a hottie in the signing booth. But have you ever wondered what happens after they gathered a gazillion signatures? I don't think they go far. Signatures are only gathered to get an initiative. I say it does something, but not enough.

also, if these things really works, do you think terrorists will go out of their way to bomb stuffs including themselves just to prove a point or to get what they want? And if it does work, i'll probably start asking for signatures to ban Marian Rivera from exposing her nostrils on national TV (di maka move on??! LOL).

Cigarette Filters

http://www.hiwtc.com

This is one way smokers make themselves believe they still take care of their health. c'mon!
I use to smoke, and i tell you, these things are bullcrap. They don't work and they only filter, like 1% of the total deadly things from the cigarette. Using it is actually gross. Most packages say you can use a piece for up to a 100 or more cigarettes but use it for the first it becomes yellow, for a few more and it's almost black. I bet it's more dangerous to use these repeatedly since it accumulates gross stuff inside. You wanna live clean, stop fooling yourself by filtering, and stop smoking altogether.

PS. i haven't really stopped. but i'm already smoke free for quite some time now.

Facebook poke button

http://articles.businessinsider.com

I believe many of you will agree with me that Mark Zuckerberg should just replace this with, PUNCH, KICK-IN-THE-BALLS, or TORRID-KISS buttons. Right? Poking is effective in real life, and it depends which part you poke, and how many times you poked it. But in facebook? Spell Lame. 

If you like someone, and you wanna get their attention, LIKE their E-V-E-R-Y status, photos and links. i'm sure, they'll get your message

Tonsils

http://fauquierent.blogspot.com

It is weird knowing one of your body parts will be taken away from you and will be mixed in Adobo or something. choz. but from what i heard, many people nowadays are getting rid of their Tonsils. They say that like the appendix, it doesn't really have a function in the body, and instead it is a common cause for tonsillitis and infections since it becomes a chillspot for bacteria and viruses.

Bendable straws

http://www.waltsense.com

Let us close our eyes and imagine ourselves drinking with a bendable straw. I'll bet my pwet that the tip of the straw is pointing upwards, not unless you are holding the glass higher than your head or mouth which is stupid. Then, what is the purpose of the straw being bendable?

I know I know! so you can drink from your glass without tilting your head! yeah that's basically it.

Playing card jokers

http://www.altacarta.com

I don't think i need to explain further. I'm not sure about the history behind this but i don't think the joke is funny. Pag picture siguro ni derek ang nilagay baka pati nanay mo isugal mo na din! Pak!

Statement bag tags

sulit.com

I find these as one of the most stupid things ever. Really if i'm going to steal someones bag, a tag saying "sorry, not yours" will never ever stop me. I'll probably leave the owner a note saying "it's mine now, bitch".

Brief Pockets

http://www.e-modusvivendi.com

Guys, have you ever imagined paying the jeepney with all your precious coins hanging out with your other precious treasures? or maybe trying to tip the waiter or bouncer with your hard earned cash, with your other hard- earned? LOL. I don't think that's a pretty sight. Unless you want these: "kuya penge nga pong barya! Now na!"

http://pinoypundit.blogspot.com

And lastly,

Si Ding

http://www.writeups.org

Time and time again, one of our local heroine (if not the only one) proves that she is in fact a DIVA. Seriously, would you risk the safety of the country by entrusting the "bato" to a snotty kid, just because you don't want the burden of carrying it with you? Panu kung nagdota sya? what will be the faith of the pinoys?

and if i were Ding, BAKIT KO PA IBABALIK ANG BATO??! Finder's keepers noh! haha

http://epbites.blogspot.com

Hope you enjoyed reading. feel free to share and COMMENT. mga letche basa lang ng basa. hehehe. tsup mwah gangbang!

4 Where's the party in Party Pilipinas?

Seriously? Where?

This is one of those rare sundays where i just stay at home without taking a shower until the late afternoon. In short, it's a "petiks" mode sunday. In times like this, i turn to ASAP for a bit of a hype, but today proves to be different. Thank you Nonito Donaire for stealing the spotlight, because of you, i was forced to watch that putrid show Party Pilipinas. (PS, you will never be as good as Manny Pacquiao, but it's ok since you're not as jologs and you have accent).

to all Kapuso reading this, sorry to break your hearts but i really hate PP.

Okay, i know what you're thinking.

"why did you watch it you fuktard?! no one forced you to watch it then whine afterwards!"

Just consider it as a guilty pleasure. Or something like that. Have you ever had the weird urge to tickle your soles just so you can scratch it after? It's a sweet torture.

 I have read several reviews about PP's numbers being compared to ASAP's, and no good comments are given to PP, not even to it's predecessor SOP. They say PP is just a failed attempt to revamp SOP. It's the same exact thing, only crazier and perhaps more confusing.

I watched intently as the opening number starts. Guess which star leads the opening. TENEN! Marian Rivera. Classy right? The crowd roars as she maneuvers herself from back to front of stage with a snake-like-Marimar-ish-GRO-ish sexy dance and when she reached the front, she pulled out a fone, and the next song you asked? What else but Lady Gaga's Telephone! Talk about Literal Translation.

Several unknown singers and dancers performed after her. And just when you think it's finished, Jolina Magdangal comes out with La diva, yup the dreamgirl/chipmunks wannabes.

http://celebritypulp.com

as much as i want to keep the disgust to myself, i can't help but gasp with disbelief as to what i am seeing. I even told my dad that there should be a law banning aging stars to do this sorts of performances for their own sake. C'mon Jolina, have you gone mad? after failing to become the philippine's lady gaga, now you end up like this? Your chick flick reign with marvin is SO OVER. You should really consider retiring, please.

Let's not forget about THE song writer, Ogie. He was wearing something that i'm pretty sure is suppose to be worn by Elmo Magalona. If i remember it correctly (I hope not), he was wearing something like a sparkly white jacket, baggy pants WITH justin bieber shades. I don't remember the song though but it was a party song, and he just stood there without moving. I think he's also aware that he's doing some crazy shit at that time. Perhaps too stressed and disoriented with the approaching baby. So i guess we can forgive him.

and my oh my, Marc Abaya... If he only knew that GMA would ask him to do Lady Gaga songs, i bet my virginity, he would never transfer. Never.

http://gmaseven.blogspot.com

Did i mention that Marian Rivera also ended the opening number? (which should never be opened at all) yup, she did what she does best, AGAIN. Look stupid, danced passionately of course. I just think she should have spent more time memorizing all the steps or perhaps learning new ones. Coz i don't know if it's just me but i'm pretty sure she only knows one particular dance step that she uses for all types of songs, whether techno, jazz or Kanto-bar type music. That pelvic dance with a 360 degree turn after every 8 beats with her nostrils opened wide. No wonder you can see deep sadness in the eyes of the audiences. They're like souls begging for mercy and freedom.

http://www.pinoyfansclub.com

After that number, here comes the hosts. I swear, if Raymond Gutierrez is gay, i'll plank on the the middle of Crossing at shaw blvd. Magkamatayan na. Hello, he can't be gay. It's impossible.

http://www.pinoyexchange.com

I also don't understand why in the world they would include Tim Yap as one of the hosts. He just doesn't fit. Seriously, if you look through his outrageous outfits and heavily waxed hair and try to concentrate on his hosting skills, There's none.

http://www.betterphilippines.com

I even think our alcoholic neighbor who is drunk 8 days a week would do hellah better hosting PP than Tim Yap. I'm just sayin.

Anyways, after a few grueling minutes (which seemed to be like days) of watching PP, ASAP finally started. BOOYAH! Even though the first thing i saw is the not-so-appealing-happy-foundation-day-uber-close-up shot of Marcelito Pomoy falsetto-ing his heart out, I already know i'm in for a show. :)

I'd rather amuse myself in the presence of the ASAP homos making girl audiences shriek with utter madness than watch PP, or like i said. Mag p-planking na lang ako. hahahaha


ako na ang stressed sa tv shows.




PS. if ever i offended you with this post, please know that deep in my heart i'm a fan of Jonalyn Viray (NOT!!) and her very successful nose job. Possibly the only thing successful in her. LOL

http://www.istorya.net

0 Hair cutter from hell

If i am a mutant (which sometimes, i really think I am), definitely my powers will be super speedy hair growth. Useful? yeah if you are a nomad living in the icy mountains of greenland. 

because of this, i spend a fair amount of money AND time in making myself look as human as possible which involves getting a haircut every 2 to 3 weeks.

Because of this, i had countless experiences with countless salons all over. Good or Bad, i always consider each as a learning experience OR as an addition to my little black book of people to kill.

Lately, my salon of choice is B**** F** in SM north, (the one in the 3rd floor). i find it convenient since it's one of the nearest OKAY salons, from my place. Although i still think their haircut is overpriced or i am simply kuripot.

Before writing this, i was thinking of another title, STYLIST from hell. But i figured, the word stylist is too much of a compliment for a poor pathetic loser such as BENJO. yup, that's his name. (please take note).

Last saturday, October 15 2011, i am prepared to get a haircut, no matter what. Since i don't usually call for an appointment, i see to it that i go there at least in the early half of the day or within the 2 hours after the mall opens. In short, i always go there only as a walk-in client which works for me 90 percent of the time.

i arrived  11:30 due to heavy traffic. I walked-in and asked the receptionists (2 girls) about the available schedule. Usually, my stylist of choice is Ken, unfortunately, he's not there until 1pm. So i just requested whoever is available. There are 2 and one is Benjo. Since he is the 1st one i saw and since he's the one who will be available the soonest, i decided to avail his services. Still, i had to wait for another 40 minutes for him to finish. At that time he was still doing a girl customer, so i decided to go to the gym and pay for my dues first.

after paying and window shopping for a bit, i went back up at the exact time of my schedule. when i got there i noticed that Benjo is already doing another customer. It's another girl. So since this is a very good day, i decided not to ruin it just because of a teeny tiny bit of inconvenience. Good vibes.. good vibes...

btw, this time i am sitting in the waiting area with another girl customer who just came in after me. 

I heard Benjo arguing with the receptionist handing him my service slip (the one where they write your name and the treatment you're getting). He was telling her that he has an appointment at 1:30 so his hands are already full.

the receptionist then asked me to take one of the seats near Benjo. So i thought they figures things out. This also means i am next. 

i seated next to him when i heard him having a bit of an argument with one of the receptionist, again.

From what i heard, the receptionist is trying to ask him (more of a begging actually) to do me next because i got there almost an hour ago. and in a very arrogant manner he said that he still has other customers in line waiting for him then he pointed at the girl in the waiting area. Yes friends, the girl that came after me. The receptionist then tried to explain to him that "I" got there first and that i already waited for an hour for this God damn haircut. To my surprise,

He shouted at her "Ewan ko sa inyo! Bahala kayo dyan!.

i can't believe what i was hearing at that moment. I also noticed that the receptionist got surprised and turned to look at me, maybe to see my reaction. And Yes, did i mention that I was sitting next to him? Yup, the seat next to his right. So THAT was me he's talking about and yes i CAN hear it, LOUD and RUDE.

In normal situations, what i would do is to stand up, kick him in the balls or call my dad and ask him to hire gunmen. I got so shocked that it took me 37 times to rewind the scenario and the things he said. I even called for all the saints and all the powers in the cosmos to try to explain to myself whether this is really happening.

indeed, it really is happening.

This time Benjo was doing the other customer behind him. Another girl.

after her, the girl that i was sitting with in the waiting area sat in the chair next to me. Again, to my surprise, Benjo approached her and with a flirty-pervert-fake smile and convo he started doing her hair. I got confused. Suddenly his assistant  poked him and pointed at me saying i'm suppose to be next. He said something unclear (and rude) and proceeded with what he's doing. 

Benjo and the receptionist argued about me again, and when i thought nothing would surprise me anymore, He shouted, "Paghintayin nyo yan! Bahala kayo". All the customers in the waiting area heard this and turned to look at me. I'm not sure but i felt a tear rolled down my left eye. Haha NO! but i swear i felt humiliated and undeserving of that kind of treatment.

His assistant even tapped me at the back as if she was trying to comfort me. This clearly means even they felt all of this is definitely an inappropriate way of treating your paying customer. (where you get your money to buy your cheap white skinny pants).

this time i asked the assistant for the manager, sadly it was the manager's day-off so i just asked for the manager's number instead. After a few seconds (i guess when Benjo was not looking) she slipped me a tiny piece of paper with the manager's number.

I am a hundred percent sure that Benjo had a clue about me asking for the manager so he started to give me a weird haunting look and ugly threatening sneer. He also said something like "makakatikim nanaman pala ko ng luto ng diyos" i guess after realizing that i am planning to complain about him, Oh oh, also when it was my time for the shampooing, did i mention that he went pass by me for at least 8 times. Talk about Hostile environment.

After all the drama, one of the other stylist named Alex who just got in did my hair. And it was good. Not to mention that he was really nice and polite. When i stood up and went to the receptionist to pay, i saw Benjo looking at me. I paid, gave Alex his tip, thanked the assistant for giving me the manager's number and was about to leave when one of the receptionist whispered something to me. 

She gave me my receipt and in a very hushed tone she said, "Sir, if you want to complain, here's another way, you can send a message to this email" pointing at the bottom portion of the receipt. She was actually pointing at the customer service email. She also said that they really do read all the message from the customers.

At this time, it became clear to me that i am not the only only one being victimized by this good-for-nothing Ricky Martin wannabe. And that i should do something about it.

He even approached the reception area right after i left. Maybe trying to sniff out some details.

I told some of my friends about this incident, and i found out that one of my buddy's that he and his older brother had the same experience with benjo and a thin gay stylist on the same salon. I also found out that Benjo was formerly assigned in the other B**** F** (the one in the bottom floor) but was transferred due to several customer complaints. 

I am now planning to speak with the manager named Rolinda whether via a phone call or maybe by sending a formal complaint letter. I will also shoot an email to the customer service hotline. Just to be sure.

i hope this serves as a warning to all unsuspecting customers. It's a shame for a big company who built their reputable name to be ruined by a single a-hole. We are not paying our hard earned cash for this kind of incompetent and unprofessional service people. They deserve to lose their jobs, and they will.