5 Rest In Peace

This is fiction

or not.

it depends how you see it.

a reality in one person's mind is not necessarily a truth perceived by another.

for it is distorted by that person's beliefs, biases and motives that the other will see it only as vague and entertaining as an abstract painting.

so let's begin.

I received the results of my medical exam. For quite some time, I've been trying to hide my fears and anxieties deep within my subconscious, but today, they were dugged up, and now being shoved at my face.

I will not bother to share the details, for you may not care and as i myself finds it hard to understand the technicalities used by that quack of a doctor. To summarize, i will die within 5 years.

5 years is a guesstimate, whether it's long or short, you be the judge. For a newly convicted prisoner, 5 years is a lifetime, for a dying person, i doubt if he will even bother counting.

i spent a few minutes reading it, googled some stuff, and for a good 10 times, i checked whether it is really my name that's printed in the front page. Unfortunately it's mine. The moment i read the diagnosis, i know it's mine for i already have a history of the findings, but this time it has gotten worse. It's like living with a time bomb. No counter, no tiktoks, no warning, just an unexpected explosion that will tore me to an unidentifiable lump of flesh. Now i'm exaggerating.

Will i die a painful death? Will i be spending a few weeks in the hospital bed? are they going to open me up? who's going to show up in the hospital? what will be my last lines? will someone unexpected reveal his true feelings for me? Or will i drop dead in front of an unknown crowd? I really don't know.

I spent the weekend alone. I like it that way. No gimmicks, no partying except for a few errands necessary to make my remaining stay on earth smooth sailing. It's just me, the internet, and silence. This way i can think clearly, talk to myself, plan things. AND, not to mention not even a single close friend bothered asking me out so i have nowhere to go to, pathetic right? I guess they're just too busy with they're own plans and sadly i'm no longer part of it.

They say truth and peace lies on the lips of a dying person. 

Also, when you are dying, you tend to forgive all the people you hate, you reveal everything, you want to see everyone. BUT not in my case.

I will still hate, i will still hide things, and i still don't want to see some people, til Death and beyond.

I guess Resting in peace is really not for everyone. 

And in my epitaph you will read,

 "fuck you all".