2 BAKLANG DARNA and OTHER USELESS THINGS

Just to be clear.

Girls, by USELESS, I am not referring to your ex boyfriends (or current ones)

Boys, I am also not referring to your ex girlfriends........................................    or boyfriends (",)

nor we are going to discuss about the traffic enforcer who does nothing but to collect super dark boogers after hours of "chillin" in the middle of the road. No.

I am thinkin' more of INANIMATE (life-less) things. like this:

http://talakayanatkalusugan.com

LOL. Just kidding. I love the government as much as i love rainbows and butterflies. I love it so much it hurts.

Well, to continue, i decided to compile a list of everyday things that we use or encounter that "in substance" are actually useless, redundant or simply, things that we can live without.

First in my list:

Elevator Close buttons

http://architectures.danlockton.co.uk

We are naturally controlling. We like to see things move or do its trick as we push a specific button. Its human nature. Elevator buttons actually don't work. If you will observe, the time for an elevator to close on its own compared to you pushing that button is the same. So whenever you're running late, the only benefit of overpressing this button is to release your stress or to give you that ultimate satisfaction of closing the elevator doors in the office bitch's face.

Also, since the American disabilities act, all elevator close buttons have been disabled. So unless you're in Japan (where these buttons actually work) there's really no point in pressing it.


signature campaigns

http://pinoyweekly.org

I can't remember the last time i signed up for one of these. If i did, i bet it's because of peer pressure, additional credits in school or if there's a hottie in the signing booth. But have you ever wondered what happens after they gathered a gazillion signatures? I don't think they go far. Signatures are only gathered to get an initiative. I say it does something, but not enough.

also, if these things really works, do you think terrorists will go out of their way to bomb stuffs including themselves just to prove a point or to get what they want? And if it does work, i'll probably start asking for signatures to ban Marian Rivera from exposing her nostrils on national TV (di maka move on??! LOL).

Cigarette Filters

http://www.hiwtc.com

This is one way smokers make themselves believe they still take care of their health. c'mon!
I use to smoke, and i tell you, these things are bullcrap. They don't work and they only filter, like 1% of the total deadly things from the cigarette. Using it is actually gross. Most packages say you can use a piece for up to a 100 or more cigarettes but use it for the first it becomes yellow, for a few more and it's almost black. I bet it's more dangerous to use these repeatedly since it accumulates gross stuff inside. You wanna live clean, stop fooling yourself by filtering, and stop smoking altogether.

PS. i haven't really stopped. but i'm already smoke free for quite some time now.

Facebook poke button

http://articles.businessinsider.com

I believe many of you will agree with me that Mark Zuckerberg should just replace this with, PUNCH, KICK-IN-THE-BALLS, or TORRID-KISS buttons. Right? Poking is effective in real life, and it depends which part you poke, and how many times you poked it. But in facebook? Spell Lame. 

If you like someone, and you wanna get their attention, LIKE their E-V-E-R-Y status, photos and links. i'm sure, they'll get your message

Tonsils

http://fauquierent.blogspot.com

It is weird knowing one of your body parts will be taken away from you and will be mixed in Adobo or something. choz. but from what i heard, many people nowadays are getting rid of their Tonsils. They say that like the appendix, it doesn't really have a function in the body, and instead it is a common cause for tonsillitis and infections since it becomes a chillspot for bacteria and viruses.

Bendable straws

http://www.waltsense.com

Let us close our eyes and imagine ourselves drinking with a bendable straw. I'll bet my pwet that the tip of the straw is pointing upwards, not unless you are holding the glass higher than your head or mouth which is stupid. Then, what is the purpose of the straw being bendable?

I know I know! so you can drink from your glass without tilting your head! yeah that's basically it.

Playing card jokers

http://www.altacarta.com

I don't think i need to explain further. I'm not sure about the history behind this but i don't think the joke is funny. Pag picture siguro ni derek ang nilagay baka pati nanay mo isugal mo na din! Pak!

Statement bag tags

sulit.com

I find these as one of the most stupid things ever. Really if i'm going to steal someones bag, a tag saying "sorry, not yours" will never ever stop me. I'll probably leave the owner a note saying "it's mine now, bitch".

Brief Pockets

http://www.e-modusvivendi.com

Guys, have you ever imagined paying the jeepney with all your precious coins hanging out with your other precious treasures? or maybe trying to tip the waiter or bouncer with your hard earned cash, with your other hard- earned? LOL. I don't think that's a pretty sight. Unless you want these: "kuya penge nga pong barya! Now na!"

http://pinoypundit.blogspot.com

And lastly,

Si Ding

http://www.writeups.org

Time and time again, one of our local heroine (if not the only one) proves that she is in fact a DIVA. Seriously, would you risk the safety of the country by entrusting the "bato" to a snotty kid, just because you don't want the burden of carrying it with you? Panu kung nagdota sya? what will be the faith of the pinoys?

and if i were Ding, BAKIT KO PA IBABALIK ANG BATO??! Finder's keepers noh! haha

http://epbites.blogspot.com

Hope you enjoyed reading. feel free to share and COMMENT. mga letche basa lang ng basa. hehehe. tsup mwah gangbang!

4 Where's the party in Party Pilipinas?

Seriously? Where?

This is one of those rare sundays where i just stay at home without taking a shower until the late afternoon. In short, it's a "petiks" mode sunday. In times like this, i turn to ASAP for a bit of a hype, but today proves to be different. Thank you Nonito Donaire for stealing the spotlight, because of you, i was forced to watch that putrid show Party Pilipinas. (PS, you will never be as good as Manny Pacquiao, but it's ok since you're not as jologs and you have accent).

to all Kapuso reading this, sorry to break your hearts but i really hate PP.

Okay, i know what you're thinking.

"why did you watch it you fuktard?! no one forced you to watch it then whine afterwards!"

Just consider it as a guilty pleasure. Or something like that. Have you ever had the weird urge to tickle your soles just so you can scratch it after? It's a sweet torture.

 I have read several reviews about PP's numbers being compared to ASAP's, and no good comments are given to PP, not even to it's predecessor SOP. They say PP is just a failed attempt to revamp SOP. It's the same exact thing, only crazier and perhaps more confusing.

I watched intently as the opening number starts. Guess which star leads the opening. TENEN! Marian Rivera. Classy right? The crowd roars as she maneuvers herself from back to front of stage with a snake-like-Marimar-ish-GRO-ish sexy dance and when she reached the front, she pulled out a fone, and the next song you asked? What else but Lady Gaga's Telephone! Talk about Literal Translation.

Several unknown singers and dancers performed after her. And just when you think it's finished, Jolina Magdangal comes out with La diva, yup the dreamgirl/chipmunks wannabes.

http://celebritypulp.com

as much as i want to keep the disgust to myself, i can't help but gasp with disbelief as to what i am seeing. I even told my dad that there should be a law banning aging stars to do this sorts of performances for their own sake. C'mon Jolina, have you gone mad? after failing to become the philippine's lady gaga, now you end up like this? Your chick flick reign with marvin is SO OVER. You should really consider retiring, please.

Let's not forget about THE song writer, Ogie. He was wearing something that i'm pretty sure is suppose to be worn by Elmo Magalona. If i remember it correctly (I hope not), he was wearing something like a sparkly white jacket, baggy pants WITH justin bieber shades. I don't remember the song though but it was a party song, and he just stood there without moving. I think he's also aware that he's doing some crazy shit at that time. Perhaps too stressed and disoriented with the approaching baby. So i guess we can forgive him.

and my oh my, Marc Abaya... If he only knew that GMA would ask him to do Lady Gaga songs, i bet my virginity, he would never transfer. Never.

http://gmaseven.blogspot.com

Did i mention that Marian Rivera also ended the opening number? (which should never be opened at all) yup, she did what she does best, AGAIN. Look stupid, danced passionately of course. I just think she should have spent more time memorizing all the steps or perhaps learning new ones. Coz i don't know if it's just me but i'm pretty sure she only knows one particular dance step that she uses for all types of songs, whether techno, jazz or Kanto-bar type music. That pelvic dance with a 360 degree turn after every 8 beats with her nostrils opened wide. No wonder you can see deep sadness in the eyes of the audiences. They're like souls begging for mercy and freedom.

http://www.pinoyfansclub.com

After that number, here comes the hosts. I swear, if Raymond Gutierrez is gay, i'll plank on the the middle of Crossing at shaw blvd. Magkamatayan na. Hello, he can't be gay. It's impossible.

http://www.pinoyexchange.com

I also don't understand why in the world they would include Tim Yap as one of the hosts. He just doesn't fit. Seriously, if you look through his outrageous outfits and heavily waxed hair and try to concentrate on his hosting skills, There's none.

http://www.betterphilippines.com

I even think our alcoholic neighbor who is drunk 8 days a week would do hellah better hosting PP than Tim Yap. I'm just sayin.

Anyways, after a few grueling minutes (which seemed to be like days) of watching PP, ASAP finally started. BOOYAH! Even though the first thing i saw is the not-so-appealing-happy-foundation-day-uber-close-up shot of Marcelito Pomoy falsetto-ing his heart out, I already know i'm in for a show. :)

I'd rather amuse myself in the presence of the ASAP homos making girl audiences shriek with utter madness than watch PP, or like i said. Mag p-planking na lang ako. hahahaha


ako na ang stressed sa tv shows.




PS. if ever i offended you with this post, please know that deep in my heart i'm a fan of Jonalyn Viray (NOT!!) and her very successful nose job. Possibly the only thing successful in her. LOL

http://www.istorya.net

0 Hair cutter from hell

If i am a mutant (which sometimes, i really think I am), definitely my powers will be super speedy hair growth. Useful? yeah if you are a nomad living in the icy mountains of greenland. 

because of this, i spend a fair amount of money AND time in making myself look as human as possible which involves getting a haircut every 2 to 3 weeks.

Because of this, i had countless experiences with countless salons all over. Good or Bad, i always consider each as a learning experience OR as an addition to my little black book of people to kill.

Lately, my salon of choice is B**** F** in SM north, (the one in the 3rd floor). i find it convenient since it's one of the nearest OKAY salons, from my place. Although i still think their haircut is overpriced or i am simply kuripot.

Before writing this, i was thinking of another title, STYLIST from hell. But i figured, the word stylist is too much of a compliment for a poor pathetic loser such as BENJO. yup, that's his name. (please take note).

Last saturday, October 15 2011, i am prepared to get a haircut, no matter what. Since i don't usually call for an appointment, i see to it that i go there at least in the early half of the day or within the 2 hours after the mall opens. In short, i always go there only as a walk-in client which works for me 90 percent of the time.

i arrived  11:30 due to heavy traffic. I walked-in and asked the receptionists (2 girls) about the available schedule. Usually, my stylist of choice is Ken, unfortunately, he's not there until 1pm. So i just requested whoever is available. There are 2 and one is Benjo. Since he is the 1st one i saw and since he's the one who will be available the soonest, i decided to avail his services. Still, i had to wait for another 40 minutes for him to finish. At that time he was still doing a girl customer, so i decided to go to the gym and pay for my dues first.

after paying and window shopping for a bit, i went back up at the exact time of my schedule. when i got there i noticed that Benjo is already doing another customer. It's another girl. So since this is a very good day, i decided not to ruin it just because of a teeny tiny bit of inconvenience. Good vibes.. good vibes...

btw, this time i am sitting in the waiting area with another girl customer who just came in after me. 

I heard Benjo arguing with the receptionist handing him my service slip (the one where they write your name and the treatment you're getting). He was telling her that he has an appointment at 1:30 so his hands are already full.

the receptionist then asked me to take one of the seats near Benjo. So i thought they figures things out. This also means i am next. 

i seated next to him when i heard him having a bit of an argument with one of the receptionist, again.

From what i heard, the receptionist is trying to ask him (more of a begging actually) to do me next because i got there almost an hour ago. and in a very arrogant manner he said that he still has other customers in line waiting for him then he pointed at the girl in the waiting area. Yes friends, the girl that came after me. The receptionist then tried to explain to him that "I" got there first and that i already waited for an hour for this God damn haircut. To my surprise,

He shouted at her "Ewan ko sa inyo! Bahala kayo dyan!.

i can't believe what i was hearing at that moment. I also noticed that the receptionist got surprised and turned to look at me, maybe to see my reaction. And Yes, did i mention that I was sitting next to him? Yup, the seat next to his right. So THAT was me he's talking about and yes i CAN hear it, LOUD and RUDE.

In normal situations, what i would do is to stand up, kick him in the balls or call my dad and ask him to hire gunmen. I got so shocked that it took me 37 times to rewind the scenario and the things he said. I even called for all the saints and all the powers in the cosmos to try to explain to myself whether this is really happening.

indeed, it really is happening.

This time Benjo was doing the other customer behind him. Another girl.

after her, the girl that i was sitting with in the waiting area sat in the chair next to me. Again, to my surprise, Benjo approached her and with a flirty-pervert-fake smile and convo he started doing her hair. I got confused. Suddenly his assistant  poked him and pointed at me saying i'm suppose to be next. He said something unclear (and rude) and proceeded with what he's doing. 

Benjo and the receptionist argued about me again, and when i thought nothing would surprise me anymore, He shouted, "Paghintayin nyo yan! Bahala kayo". All the customers in the waiting area heard this and turned to look at me. I'm not sure but i felt a tear rolled down my left eye. Haha NO! but i swear i felt humiliated and undeserving of that kind of treatment.

His assistant even tapped me at the back as if she was trying to comfort me. This clearly means even they felt all of this is definitely an inappropriate way of treating your paying customer. (where you get your money to buy your cheap white skinny pants).

this time i asked the assistant for the manager, sadly it was the manager's day-off so i just asked for the manager's number instead. After a few seconds (i guess when Benjo was not looking) she slipped me a tiny piece of paper with the manager's number.

I am a hundred percent sure that Benjo had a clue about me asking for the manager so he started to give me a weird haunting look and ugly threatening sneer. He also said something like "makakatikim nanaman pala ko ng luto ng diyos" i guess after realizing that i am planning to complain about him, Oh oh, also when it was my time for the shampooing, did i mention that he went pass by me for at least 8 times. Talk about Hostile environment.

After all the drama, one of the other stylist named Alex who just got in did my hair. And it was good. Not to mention that he was really nice and polite. When i stood up and went to the receptionist to pay, i saw Benjo looking at me. I paid, gave Alex his tip, thanked the assistant for giving me the manager's number and was about to leave when one of the receptionist whispered something to me. 

She gave me my receipt and in a very hushed tone she said, "Sir, if you want to complain, here's another way, you can send a message to this email" pointing at the bottom portion of the receipt. She was actually pointing at the customer service email. She also said that they really do read all the message from the customers.

At this time, it became clear to me that i am not the only only one being victimized by this good-for-nothing Ricky Martin wannabe. And that i should do something about it.

He even approached the reception area right after i left. Maybe trying to sniff out some details.

I told some of my friends about this incident, and i found out that one of my buddy's that he and his older brother had the same experience with benjo and a thin gay stylist on the same salon. I also found out that Benjo was formerly assigned in the other B**** F** (the one in the bottom floor) but was transferred due to several customer complaints. 

I am now planning to speak with the manager named Rolinda whether via a phone call or maybe by sending a formal complaint letter. I will also shoot an email to the customer service hotline. Just to be sure.

i hope this serves as a warning to all unsuspecting customers. It's a shame for a big company who built their reputable name to be ruined by a single a-hole. We are not paying our hard earned cash for this kind of incompetent and unprofessional service people. They deserve to lose their jobs, and they will.